Being right or being married

I’m not the first therapist who talks to couples about the dangers of having to be right in a relationship. In fact there is a book by that title on Amazon that I just ran across. The consensus is that ‘having to be right’ it is a surefire way to create discord and that “You can be right or you can be married”. (H. Harville)

People are not right or wrong but simply have different perspectives, or we might say different “realities”. Depending on how you were raised, what gender you are, where you have lived, and even what mood you are in, you will interpret events differently. Your perception determines your perspective, your beliefs, your values and thus, your “reality.” So when you find yourself disagreeing and arguing with your mate (or anyone else for that matter), you might take a moment to just consider that you may both be “right”, that each of your realities has validity. What a concept??!!!

You might then take that a step further be curious about your partner’s reality, wonder about their perspective, how they see this issue, why they view it so differently, and what leads them to their conclusion. If you can take this second step you are on your way to having a ‘conscious’ relationship and evidencing real growth.

So the next time you disagree with your significant other about who said what, see if you can stop yourself and instead allow that both opinions may be possible. When you learn to understand your partner’s experience you develop empathy, and most important, compassion.

 

 

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