The Pursuer/Distancer Dance

Ever had the feeling that you wanted more from your partner emotionally and physically but she/he wants more independence and is just too busy? Or do you feel like you’re being smothered by your partner’s demands for connection – more talking, more time together? In every relationship, pushing communication and closeness forward and then slowing them down are necessary functions. But sometimes this pattern becomes rigid and polarizing causing anxiety, anger and resentment. Frequently the dynamic devolves into one partner complaining or accusing, and the other partner defending. The defending partner can rarely see that the nagging partner simply wants to get closer. A sudden ‘about face’ by the pursuing partner will often bring the distancer back into the dance. Where are you in your ‘Tango’ right now?

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