To say that men are out of touch with their feelings is cliche though most will admit that this is true. One reason most men so readily agree is that they think that ‘being in touch’ means being overwhelmed with floods of sadness or worry or fear – and what man wants to believe they are overtaken by anything!

The fact is that we have a myriad of small doses of feelings throughout a day where we overall feel balanced and good. I often ask a man for just one day to note the tiny flitters of feelings that are interspersed in his normal day. For example – your child wakes you too early – irritation, there are fresh muffins at the office- appreciation and happiness, you meet a high school buddy who is in better shape than you – insecurity, fear of aging, embarrassed But you find that he never finished high school – smugness, validated. Your wife initiates sex – gratitude, love.

Becoming aware of the fluctuations of feelings during the day and then being able to disclose the myriad with your partner helps him to know who you really are. Obviously this requires willingness to be vulnerable and a sense of safety and trust in the relationship. These can all be fostered in couples counseling.

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