David Snarsch’s “Four Points of Balance”

Many lose themselves in relationship – this is commonly referred to as ‘co-dependence’. David Snarsch, noted couples therapist, talks about 4 points of balance that help people “hold on to themselves” in relationships. In short, the four points of balance are:

  1. The solid flexible self – or the ability to know who you are in the relationship. Many rely too much on the self they get from others which is called ‘reflected self’
  2. Quiet mind, calm heart – is what Snarsch terms the ability to calm ones emotions before they run away with you.
  3. Grounded responding refers to being able to avoid outbursts, temper tnntrums and unregulated emotions
  4. Meaningful endurance refers to the “ability to tolerate pain for growth” for the sake of long term success.

I often work with couples to identify their strengths and challenges along these four points. To learn more please look at David Snarch’s article on this construct.




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