Many lose themselves in relationship – this is commonly referred to as ‘co-dependence’. David Snarsch, noted couples therapist, talks about 4 points of balance that help people “hold on to themselves” in relationships. In short, the four points of balance are:
- The solid flexible self – or the ability to know who you are in the relationship. Many rely too much on the self they get from others which is called ‘reflected self’
- Quiet mind, calm heart – is what Snarsch terms the ability to calm ones emotions before they run away with you.
- Grounded responding refers to being able to avoid outbursts, temper tnntrums and unregulated emotions
- Meaningful endurance refers to the “ability to tolerate pain for growth” for the sake of long term success.
I often work with couples to identify their strengths and challenges along these four points. To learn more please look at David Snarch’s article on this construct.