I recently ran across a blogpost by Esther Perel on how to avoid ‘Kitchen-Sinking’ during arguments. Esther is a brilliant therapist and I am familiar with her work on sex and power in relationships. It was wonderful to find her addressing such a mundane, conflict management technique in her inimitable way!
When kitchen sinking happens, one silly dirty dish can start a fight and then piling on other dirty dishes can fill the sink and distract from the issue at hand. Another pitfall happens when we make the argument personal and not about the topic that started it. ie. Being irritated over spouse’s not helping with the household becomes “This is because your mom spoiled you -it’s impossible to live with a clueless man like you.”
Simple concepts like this can really help a couple fight fairly and recover more quickly from arguments.