The Love Avoidant

So, what does it mean to be called a Love Avoidant?  A Love Avoider is someone who resists our natural, human need to connect. A Love Avoider has walled him/herself off as to negate the need and the desire for human contact on a deep and emotionally intimate level. He/she is more interested in protection and survival than connection and relationship. What does this look like in a relationship?

**May be superficially pleasant and even charismatic;

**Hyper -independent. He/she does not seem to need anything from their partner except to be alone and often rebuffs the attempts of others to nurture, help or give;

**Despite this he/she will often be the giver or  caretaker in the relationship!

**Need stimulation outside the relationship.and spends much of time outside of the relationship – working, sports, with friends, projects, keeping busy.

”An affair is a classic avoidant response to avoid real emotional intimacy in the relationship-the ultimate in FAUX INTIMACY.

**Seems ‘not present’  when together give one word or vague answers to questions. You can’t really get to know this person beyond a certain level. Wants to be alone frequently;

**Hides behind walls of silence or anger with signs of hidden hostility such as eye rolling, sighing, interrupting;

**Withdraws or leaves early from social events;

**Has grown more and more distant since the early stages of a relationship;

**Perceives and complains that being controlled, smothered, suffocated and/or that partner is  “too needy;”

**Is non-committal. The partner never feels totally in the relationship;

**Experiences the relationship as a duty or obligation;

**Engages in a possible addiction or other self-medicating behaviors.

Maybe the Love Avoidant has it right. After all, being in a relationship is a risky and emotionally dangerous. You could in fact get hurt! . So is it wise to be afraid and to protect ourselves from being flattened…… More on what it takes to be brave,,, and the payoff!!

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