The Lure of Infatuation

A divorce is like an amputation: you survive it, but there’s less of you.
- Margaret Atwood

Many times I see couples who are deciding whether or not to get divorced. Usually there is one partner who is wanting the marriage more than the other – the concept of two people amicably agreeing to divorce is a myth in my opinion. There is always one person more in favor of the decision and in the other goes along unwillingly. Though not all marriages can survive I believe it is important to slow this decision process down so that the lifelong implications can be weighed realistically and each partner has an opportunity to understand what brings them to this point. If there is an outside emotional relationship with a promise of those heady times of infatuation, it is very difficult to halt the demise of the marriage. Often this important piece of information is not disclosed in therapy and the focus is on what is missing. This leaves the more committed partner believing it is his/her fault and potentially a lifelong mystery as to what went wrong. 

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